Be Discipled

Identity in Christ: Resilient leadership starts with knowing who you are as God created and redeemed you to be.

Differentiation of Self: Staying true to your values and calling even when facing opposition.

Trials as Formation: Challenges aren’t obstacles but opportunities to deepen faith and resilience.

Biblical Models: Leaders like David, Nathan, Habakkuk, and Jesus exemplify resilience under pressure.

Practical Resilience: Building rhythms of rest, reflection, and connection with God and community sustains leaders over time.

Be Different: Finding the Resilience to Lead explores how Christian leaders can develop the strength, courage, and inner stability to lead faithfully in a world full of pressures, challenges, and setbacks. Rather than conforming to cultural norms or burning out under stress, Howard argues that resilience comes from being deeply grounded in God’s design for leadership and cultivating an authentic sense of self.

The book identifies resilience as the defining quality that allows leaders to withstand trials, remain faithful to their mission, and continue leading with hope. It emphasizes that resilience is not just about grit or toughness, but about living from a secure identity in Christ and drawing strength from God’s presence.

Howard and Gross introduce the idea of “biblical differentiation of self”—knowing who you are in God, staying true to your values, and remaining steady in the face of criticism, conflict, or failure. This differentiation enables leaders to hold onto their purpose without being consumed by others’ expectations.

Maturity through surrender: Growth in leadership comes not from striving but from yielding to God’s authority.

Danger of ego-driven leadership: Pride and self-reliance erode both effectiveness and spiritual health.

Biblical models of surrender: Leaders like Moses and Paul matured as they learned to depend on God, not themselves.

Spiritual disciplines: Practices of surrender (prayer, fasting, Sabbath, confession) form leaders into Christlike maturity.

Servant leadership: True maturity is revealed in humility, service, and sacrificial love.

Be Surrendered: Finding the Maturity to Lead shifts to maturity, showing that true Christian leadership flows from a posture of surrender to God.

Howard and Gross argue that many leaders pursue success, influence, or recognition, but real maturity comes when a leader lays down their own ambitions and embraces God’s will, even when it requires sacrifice. Leadership, then, is not about control but about trust—trusting God’s plan, His timing, and His way.

The book explores the paradox of surrender: giving up self-centered striving actually produces greater strength, clarity, and fruitfulness in leadership. Through biblical examples (such as Moses, Paul, and especially Jesus), Howard and Gross show how surrender leads to wisdom, patience, and freedom from the anxieties that often weigh leaders down.

Hope is relational: It is sustained through deep connection with God and people.

The danger of isolation: Leaders who disconnect often lose hope and burn out.

Trust and empathy: Foundational to fostering hope within teams and communities.

Vulnerability as strength: Authenticity builds resilience and shared hope.

Community as a source of endurance: Hope multiplies in groups marked by belonging, shared vision, and mutual encouragement.

Be Connected: Finding the Hope to Lea  highlights the role of connection—with God, with others, and with purpose—as the foundation for sustaining hopeful leadership.

Howard and Gross argue that leaders often face discouragement, isolation, and burnout, but hope is what keeps them pressing forward. Hope is not optimism or wishful thinking; it is a confident expectation rooted in God’s promises. And hope grows best in connection: connection to God’s presence, to authentic community, and to the leader’s calling.

Drawing from Scripture and real-life experiences, the book shows that leaders thrive when they cultivate relationships of trust, practice empathy, and create communities where belonging and purpose are shared. Hope emerges not in isolation but in fellowship. Leaders who stay connected to God and others can inspire hope in those they lead, even through conflict and difficulty.

Chapter Summary

This chapter introduces the story of Petr, a gifted pastor who disappears after leaving a suicide note. His wife Jennifer, frantic and unsure where to turn, calls Alfonso, Petr’s best friend. Alfonso agrees to help and begins investigating what might have led Petr to such despair.

The chapter shifts from narrative to teaching, asking why some leaders implode under pressure while others remain resilient. The authors argue that the answer lies in biblical differentiation—a concept borrowed from psychologist Murray Bowen but reframed through Scripture.

Key Points

Differentiation is essential to resilience in leadership.

The book defines biblical differentiation as embracing your created self, re-created self, and self-in-relation.

Fusion (over-identifying with others) is the main obstacle to resilience.

Jesus is the model and means of achieving differentiation.

Scripture Verses for Additional Reading

Romans 5:2-5 – Rejoicing in suffering produces character and hope. 

Questions for the Group

How would you define “resilience” in your own words?

In what ways can a lack of spiritual and emotional resilience show up in a leader’s life?

What does “biblical differentiation” mean, and how is it different from just being strong-willed or self-confident?

Can you relate to Petr’s internal pressure to appear strong or successful? How so?

Reflection Questions

When have I felt like Petr—trapped, overwhelmed, or close to breaking?

Do I measure my identity by others’ opinions or by God’s truth?

In what ways do I struggle to be a “non-anxious presence”?

What would change in my life if I had greater inner stability?

Application

Reflect on a recent crisis or relational challenge. Ask:

Did I feel like my identity was threatened?

Did I react out of fear of disapproval or desire for approval?

Start journaling where your sense of self is rooted—God’s view or others’ opinions?

Personal Journaling